Chilli Pepper Costume

freewheeling

I realize that it 'very, very hard that I get back to writing here.
Not that it has things to say, on the contrary, how many times I have promised myself to write my insights and thoughts, not to lose them, in that period ... but then I never fatto.Non and 'only matter of mere laziness.
'm beginning to have a suspicion that some of my behavior, my thoughts, but also of my difficulty 'to think about certain topics, for my actions and re-action ... are post-hypnotic command or something like that. Something prevents me sometimes to write sometimes to focus, sometimes to remember things even more 'trivial. So
distrust of myself, especially of my mind.
Why 'I can never concentrate on certain things? 'Cause if I can even then sometimes I forget every time?
Why 'not just overlook certain thoughts automatically reject them? It almost seems to obey an order!
I find myself to have some automatic behaviors and especially of self-imposed sabotage to rationalize certain feelings, understand them, go to the bottom. There 's sometimes a mechanical reaction that I ordered "not now, not to think about this, leads to an moment. "
And if the nightmare was not real, that I hid in a corner of my mind, that someone is sabotaging, influencing my thoughts?
It 'possible that someone has put the bulk put the archives of my memory, and some have them locked up?

Yet I often say, with a little 'contempt, I do not have these problems ... I'm not like "them", I'm not like those unlucky victims of mind control, I have a mind perfectly intact and criticism!
Basically I just behind an international team of spies who keep an eye on me, MOST IT 'make me some night and pick me polish the furniture! Not I never realized that they used techniques of mind control to me, after all these years I'd realized!

Here's what 'I think, inside of me ... But then 'I wonder, "but I think that it or they who do believe me?" would be brilliant, I pretend not to be affected but this is' a technique of conditioning ... David Icke says as the worst slave 'who has any illusions of being free.

How do I know when and what I think 'really my bag of flour and is not something that I suggested from the outside?
I find myself doing the same things, as if repeating the same script, the same day, and I feel like a hamster that keeps spinning in his wheel in his cage .... but then stop and look around stunned amazement wondering, but where are they?

No matter how many planes can take, how many countries I visit and how many apartments CITY change, I am getting them to spin around in my pinch of fun and that 'my prison!
How to get out?

Suppose there is some command in my mind that it 'was inserted to prevent me from understanding what I have done, let me recall certain episodes, to make me forget the places, faces, or even a command that will prevent me from thinking clearly distracting my attention to certain issues. It is assumed

mind control techniques that serve to ensure that the mind of the target has sealed compartments in which he can not 'access.
these compartments are created by those who conduct experiments - usually soldiers or aliens - through one or more 'password for access, as with computers, so not knowing the password and' can not access the contents of memory, even if sometimes some of them stored memories can 'jump out by accident or by regression techniques.

The passwords can be phrases, songs, sounds special, or even compound stimuli, such as odors associated with colors. These cause a lot of storage compartments psychological problems to the person who can 'suffer from dissociative syndromes of personality', or border-line, up to schizophrenia and mental illness itself.

disorders or who does not have clear and irrefutable signs that may suggest to the mind control, but he realizes that something is wrong, like me, is in a very bad position. I will 'have unequivocal signs of mind control it' abduction, but 'I feel involved, and not as a spectator of something that does not concern me. part of me, somehow.

I the only symptom that clearly and consistently known to me psychologically and 'depression and the inability' to have a social life worth of the name.
not hear voices and I have recurring nightmares, but I always, always, always feeling like an internal alarm.
strange dreams and I do not remember what I almost never dreamed at night, for my efforts.
Sometimes I think my higher self is trying to get in touch with me to tell me something, but there 'someone who would prevent that ... some kind of obstacle that I can not even recognize, so you can avoid.

Am I missing word and will not arrive 'anywhere. Then we go off again by the hard facts.
What 'I'm doing in practice in my life?

Since spring 2008 I decided to live the most time outside Italy, for a variety of reasons that I will not describe here, but I can not go far opted for the nearby Spain.
Sold a studio full of horrible memories are playing in October 2008 with the 'intention not to keep that money in the bank but to invest them, also because' are property 'of my son (the apartment would have to go to him once adult ) so I'm just managing them temporarily.

The project was to learn English making some progress, finding a nice apartment in a city 'pleasant and after a short adjustment period, buy it, thus providing' a stable roof of my son, as well as remove from the hands of bankers.
It 's been a whole year, even more,' and I have not found it 'the city' where they settle down 'to buy the apartment, and that money is still in the bank.

I shot several cities', now I have visited hundreds of apartments and talked to do not know how many real estate owners and, now I have done a culture on the sale of houses in the peninsula ... but nothing.
seems that I should not do that, and yet 'simple action, albeit with the necessary calm to do!
something always happens. O
After that I see better place 'back out, or change their minds and sellers disappear, or are undecided, or something else happens.
Why '? I am at a subconscious level that provoked this situation, even though I say every day for months and months, I want to buy and I'm done with this issue, so as to devote to them?
I who deliberately try something impossible?

Or not quite find what I want 'I say to look for? Sometimes I feel like a puppet in the hands of a schizophrenic puppeteer.
I know that a part of me does not want to live in an apartment owned ', fearing that stalkers I vandalizzino behind the place as they did in the apartment where I was until 2007.
the only memory of the "changes" that made the apartment makes me shudder. Disassembled and reassembled all the furniture, including cabinets and kitchen cupboards, as well as' the shutters of the windows, and changed the water pipes. They put something into the locks. They did masonry work in the attic that was above the apartment.
All with living within me, and I could not do anything.

How do I settle into another apartment for more 'than a month or two, perilous' buying, after all that I lived?
Perhaps this resistance and 'one of the reasons why one year I can not make a simple transaction.
It can 'be that did not really want to finish this research, for not having to then take the next step, which is' practically a step into the unknown ...
and then me in my boat doing nothing but pretending to look for a house with criteria so difficult, making it almost impossible to find the object of research.
this and 'very contradictory and confusing,' cause I'm looking for 100 apartments that are worth the price of 50, or are in the center but 'the garden, or I start looking for country houses with land, with the dream of return to nature, perhaps in the middle of nowhere, repented then be gone, because 'is not sure of the mill houses and white' needs, at least not until 'I'm alone ....
I would go into depression even more 'in town' ... or maybe not?

Or maybe this whole story of the search of the house and 'a false problem?
I know it 'at the bottom and' irrelevant. It 's a waste of time, to which I devote a lot of my energy and my time, of course, lost.
But my teaching I draw from this behavior, what do you communicate?
Well, one thing and 'obvious and is' I do not know what I want .... and sometimes not even know what I will not!
From this I understand that my behavior there 's something wrong with my way of approaching things, but what escapes me.

It 's like if I wanted to act but at the same I tirassi time back in the grip of conflicting and opposing forces that shake me and make me wobble, leaving a balance still on the same step. Why
'despite the will' can not get a capacity 'of action?
seems that a low strength and heavy anchors me to laziness and inertia, paralyzing any effort prolonged or consistent. Some short and sparse moments of lucidity 'make me fall even more' nell'avvilimento.

Why 'I do not remember my dreams? 'Cause my sleep,' a black hole without any awareness? I was reading some passages of jodorovsky where he tells of his lucid dreams, and remembers them as if Once fully awake .... well I can not do lucid dreams, I will 'happen maybe once or twice in life, and' let alone to do astral traveling ... even here I have the horrible feeling that there is something that prevents me from making this leap qualita'nella awareness .... but I also took hallucinogens at the time ... thicket ', I'm attracted only bullshit, zero revelations.

On November 11, 2009, the Vatican admits the possibility 'that there exist extraterrestrial intelligent life.
On November 13 NASA and spread the news that 'they found a large amount' of water on the moon. On 13 November
released simultaneously in theaters the film world 2012.
last Wednesday, November 18, I turned 45.
Greetings! Who, me or the aliens that are being presented to the general public?
Certainly not for me 'was a great day, I had two calls, one of my mother and my ex, and that' s all.
Not that I wanted to celebrate, for charity '. But it 's the time to recurrence as birthdays, Christmas etc., I realize that in an almost physical, my solitude. Most of my isolation that I can touch, so 'large, well built, like a holy cathedral, strategic.
Thanks anyway for the 2 phone calls. I spent the worst birthdays. I should be very grateful to the universe came to be there.

are now in a age 'in which' a little 'more' difficult to have a character like my introverted nature of things and be in frequent contact with other people from changing residence and uncertain project life ... are all more 'younger than me, or more' sociable, more 'cheerful, more' superficial ... I am a magnet upside down, people go away ... at least that I said my father, having had to deal with me for several months.
me just fine, instintualmente be selective. I just want to attract what 'I really need. What do I need to have friends from bar to kill time? Maybe officials are on leave, or reptilian, or both.
I realize that urgently requires a choice, a decision.

As difficult as it is I can not 'continue to postpone it. I can no longer simply 'to live in this kind of reality' in this type of everyday life ', are out of place. I can not do more 'to stand with one foot in a supermarket and in the metaphysics of abduction and new world order.
I keep close to my meanness ', to selfishness, to comfort' materials, for fear of facing new hardships and sufferings, but I know that I can not escape my fate, whatever it is ... I have to take action. Should I be of help to myself and to world!
I have a mission to accomplish! Aiutooooooooo ... but what will '?

Alexis Texas And Bake

symptoms before admission and consideration of stalking


I wrote this post a couple of days ago but I decided to publish it, 'cause I'm basically the same things that I say, in terms of symptoms ... pernsavo to cut at least two-thirds or delete it entirely. Instead
what 'and I wrote' below, although it may 'seem like the usual stuff, but for me it' s the same old tragedy ... 'cause I'm in an emergency by heightened symptoms themselves, after the peak I had this summer at the Vipassana retreats.

Today, Monday, I went out to get some 'air after all weekend at home, and I had a strong attack and prolonged contractions of estrangement nausea, dizziness, nerve, and various other nice holiday companions.
I could not do even one of the committees that I had planned and after 1 hour of rest sitting in a bar I went to my room, sling in bed.
From the moment I was able to calm down a little bit and relax the muscles, I began to notice more 'clearly dissonant continuous ringing in the head, piu'verso right ear, which stands out above the buzz of radio I like the background frequency deafening. Music also seems to affect this tone in the body, giving the swinging pendulum type.

Since tomorrow I will have to 'take the first bus and a plane are quite worried, they are all 4 hours of travel, with this dizzy already' at home ... let alone stop in air! and to take tablets I'm afraid to complicate the situation, since I do not need to calm the stomach, but the radio pulsations in the cranium ... vaglielo to say in UK!
Suspicion and 'whether it's a position that regularly make the microchip implanted, or who have increased its power not to lose myself in my next move, given that I will arrive' in Rome on Friday evening, sparrow 'night out with a 'friend who picks me up, then Friday will come in 27' in hospital in Verona for ten days.
the department and 'armored enough, being a place to perform rapid detoxification with UROD method and therapy for liver mushy, maybe fear of not having enough on hand ...
The symptoms are the same as July, when I went to a secluded area where they took the phones, including an abnormal sexual arousal centers and some heat in the head as milling motor fuel.
Here is the sketch that I wrote:

I feel that physical symptoms could be linked to some form of mind control or brain radio-communications technology ...
as the constant buzz inside my head, but deafening silence, with the whistle that must be periodically from ear to ear, and ears that seem to transmit and receive waves of dissonant frequencies, with a one-two rhythm of about 2 seconds to wave ...
and 'something quite indescribable, and' how to have invisible radio antenna placed at the top 'top of the skull, which picks up only 24 out of 24 buzz and sends it in your ears ... and sometimes' so strong that I have from aches and chills I close my ears, I have to chew gum ... the feeling of nausea and dizziness increases a lot when I travel by bus and coach, I seem to be living a tuning fork that vibrates at a sound inaudible to the human ear .
The eyes are sunken and shrunken in addition to always give me trouble. Use artificial tears several times a day dose to lubricate them 'cause they are dry and sticky. Had me and 'down and I still have the sensation of seeing through a camera in dark environments then I see something similar to the pixels. Under the right eye, where I have a little mysterious scar, I see a point that receives pulse-emitting, especially if I am in solitary places, or new to me. It transmits images via my position? Should I try to shoot with his right eye bandaged.

Other physical symptoms that I associate with my situation in the last period of human guinea pigs are my so-called poor circulation or my pseudo Meniere's syndrome. A set of symptoms and `I 'happened to a couple of times last week (goal' in November 2009), but I suffered periodically since 2000, although only four or five times a year.
and 'was sometimes called Meniere's syndrome, "other" restless legs syndrome ", sometimes a side effect of hepatitis C have cryoglobulins in the blood, or peripheral neuropathy ... other times, a problem resulting in labyrinthitis eardrums ... so the doctors never figured on us a lot and I stopped to ask for advice. however, their definitions do not clarify the causes of the symptoms.

few days ago, 'began as a sense of malaise widespread, with sweat and shivering, I began to feel light-headed and heavy body and large, I missed a bit 'balance, his legs felt heavy and sore, the muscles of the calves began to move independently, to pull I seemed to have little stretching as it happens to players.
informicolavano my fingers over her legs, looking at his hands I saw the white with the top joint of the fingers very red.
felt continuous shooting of nerves in the legs from the knees down, 'that as long as' walking were bearable, but as soon as I sat in a bar, have become more 'strong, and also the feeling of weight in the legs rather than diminish, and' increased.
I thought I would never be 'managed to get up from that chair! I tried to stay calm and breathe deeply, I attacked the memories of more attacks like this one where I had got caught by fear, especially because 'I felt electric shocks, resulting in Sentrim choking, shaking to the point of going to the emergency room and take valium cause panic attack. But it was not just a panic attack, that was a side effect of the framework of symptoms ...
But back to us, and other symptom 'weakness and difficulty' motion, I was numb and I had difficulty 'if only to shake his hand in a glass or turn the page of a newspaper, as I was in a bar and tried to give me an attitude .... sometimes nausea, dry throat, confusion, I had the horrible feeling that all my blood had been withdrawn in the most 'me low and had dropped out of my upper body, and it had clotted. I wanted to put me upside down 'to see if it flowed!
I thought that this sense of lack of blood in his veins had to be put in relation to the menstrual cycle, I had starts a few days before ... pity you can not remember if the other times I have these symptoms I was in the menstrual period or less. Should I always take note of everything, keep a log book, a diary ... but I'm not going to bring dovermelo always behind, I 'feel like that I read it, modify it ... as these could also do with my post, for that matter, so 'should' find other ways to testify to posterity what 'is happening to me.
I felt a great desire to lie down, and every time that I could do it I noticed an almost immediate improvement in symptoms. This would suggest a circulatory disorder, but it happens very often on other occasions, if I put in a horizontal position I'm better now, anything! Aldila
'symptoms and definitions, and what' more 'plausible' that the type of experiment which is related to the involuntary guinea pig blood, something that has to do with clotting, study Mutation of a virus, a vaccine trial, changes in blood flow ... I have to do and 'understand what did my blood special, and because' the only strictly prohibited substance, perhaps contraindicated for experimentation, and cocaine.

Pero 'this does not explain many other things ... the same old questions, this is nothing new eh '... because 'the trial is not never finishing? And why 'should have a microchip implanted? And why 'despite the microchip in the body, that use tracking technologies, from mobile phone to the gps tracking rfid cards and everything else,' cause despite all this, I must also follow physically close? They could not leave me a bit 'in peace, fuck? Or expect me to have a heart attack at any moment, so act quickly, and then bring in some military base, or there is' something even worse than I imagine ... but I do not arrive that might affect an issue for my death, in two ways. One, you take my corpse to dissect it and study it for good, two, trapping my soul somewhere, because 'maybe' that absolutely must not miss. Until 'and' in this physical body does not have much to worry about, but when the envelope will be 'dead, how will they keep her captive?

speeches are pure madness to some, but when I think of Marco Pantani and wonder what we have in common, the only thing that seems plausible and 'we have, indeed we had a soul like that ... and if I think of all the targets that are the subject of gang stalking, the military trials of abduction by alien forces or covert, which are tens, perhaps hundreds of thousands worldwide, cose'e 'they may have in common?
Absolutely nothing, apart from the soul. O spirit, something that goes beyond the 'material existence, race, age', work or study, sexual or political preferences. They are souls that are put sorely test.
Ce 'something else to say. The stalkers often act in total ignorance in the service of occult forces from other dimensions, spiritual evolution who want to catch every single human being. These entities' will need to be without understanding precisely sneak into their mind and making him do things that can go from stalking to varying degrees, the drunk and then go home and beat his wife to commit violence against other people, plants or animals, or against themselves. Sometimes stalkers believe they do their job and nothing else, following orders, but they do not even know for whom. I'm not the kind of person who is asking too many questions. Often personality 'deviant, sadist who have to suffer to see their target, and for their enjoyment and that' like a drug that feeds their base instincts, as well as' their demons.

striking feature of the attacks of the absolute disproportion stalkers, both in term of time, given that there are cases that go on for twenty or thirty years, and in terms of quantity 'of staff, for reasons that almost never the person-targeted unable to explain. Even in the case of political activists, minorities or other types of target, so a 'massive and widespread use of time, money, people, technologies and organizations' incredibly disproportionate to the reason that they think is the cause of stalking.
my explanation is' behind 'organizations stalkers there is another level, the more' esoteric than just the military or intelligence agencies. I believe that this is the dark forces of other dimensions of existence, demonic or evil, however, working through human beings sometimes unaware of their work sometimes their accomplices, and that they are interested in maintaining the target in a negative state, where can not express the qualities' more 'higher love, joy, spirituality,' healing and help for himself and for others.

between these entities' intrude even that feed the hungry ghosts of our negative emotions, which were called by the names as diverse as Castaneda called them Voladores, the Buddhists call them by other names in the film matrix were the machines ...
Everything goes into a game of cosmic scale that refers to the eternal struggle between good and evil, and how our planet is a school where the souls seeking life after life to express their potential, by learning lessons mistakes and experience.
The only solution 'and then take a position one way or another, knowing that the thing that' man has been advancing rapidly and 'suffering, especially when you are unable to channel it and turn it into positive energy.
was easy! For those who
is out of the ordinary experiences such as stalking, military interference, MicroPlant etc., and 'absolutely essential to begin a process of spiritual awakening, to raise not only the fundamental questions about themselves, but on their behavior on their own thoughts. Our greatest enemy is not 'out there but it' within ourselves. I have to make a revolution revolutionize the way I think, 'cause 90% of what I think and' garbage that someone has taught me, making me believe it is truth '.
If millions of people believe it is normal that Obama has received the Nobel Peace does not mean that it is indeed!