I realize that it 'very, very hard that I get back to writing here.
Not that it has things to say, on the contrary, how many times I have promised myself to write my insights and thoughts, not to lose them, in that period ... but then I never fatto.Non and 'only matter of mere laziness.
'm beginning to have a suspicion that some of my behavior, my thoughts, but also of my difficulty 'to think about certain topics, for my actions and re-action ... are post-hypnotic command or something like that. Something prevents me sometimes to write sometimes to focus, sometimes to remember things even more 'trivial. So
distrust of myself, especially of my mind.
Why 'I can never concentrate on certain things? 'Cause if I can even then sometimes I forget every time?
Why 'not just overlook certain thoughts automatically reject them? It almost seems to obey an order!
I find myself to have some automatic behaviors and especially of self-imposed sabotage to rationalize certain feelings, understand them, go to the bottom. There 's sometimes a mechanical reaction that I ordered "not now, not to think about this, leads to an moment. "
And if the nightmare was not real, that I hid in a corner of my mind, that someone is sabotaging, influencing my thoughts?
It 'possible that someone has put the bulk put the archives of my memory, and some have them locked up?
Yet I often say, with a little 'contempt, I do not have these problems ... I'm not like "them", I'm not like those unlucky victims of mind control, I have a mind perfectly intact and criticism!
Basically I just behind an international team of spies who keep an eye on me, MOST IT 'make me some night and pick me polish the furniture! Not I never realized that they used techniques of mind control to me, after all these years I'd realized!
Here's what 'I think, inside of me ... But then 'I wonder, "but I think that it or they who do believe me?" would be brilliant, I pretend not to be affected but this is' a technique of conditioning ... David Icke says as the worst slave 'who has any illusions of being free.
How do I know when and what I think 'really my bag of flour and is not something that I suggested from the outside?
I find myself doing the same things, as if repeating the same script, the same day, and I feel like a hamster that keeps spinning in his wheel in his cage .... but then stop and look around stunned amazement wondering, but where are they?
No matter how many planes can take, how many countries I visit and how many apartments CITY change, I am getting them to spin around in my pinch of fun and that 'my prison!
How to get out?
Suppose there is some command in my mind that it 'was inserted to prevent me from understanding what I have done, let me recall certain episodes, to make me forget the places, faces, or even a command that will prevent me from thinking clearly distracting my attention to certain issues. It is assumed
mind control techniques that serve to ensure that the mind of the target has sealed compartments in which he can not 'access.
these compartments are created by those who conduct experiments - usually soldiers or aliens - through one or more 'password for access, as with computers, so not knowing the password and' can not access the contents of memory, even if sometimes some of them stored memories can 'jump out by accident or by regression techniques.
The passwords can be phrases, songs, sounds special, or even compound stimuli, such as odors associated with colors. These cause a lot of storage compartments psychological problems to the person who can 'suffer from dissociative syndromes of personality', or border-line, up to schizophrenia and mental illness itself.
disorders or who does not have clear and irrefutable signs that may suggest to the mind control, but he realizes that something is wrong, like me, is in a very bad position. I will 'have unequivocal signs of mind control it' abduction, but 'I feel involved, and not as a spectator of something that does not concern me. part of me, somehow.
I the only symptom that clearly and consistently known to me psychologically and 'depression and the inability' to have a social life worth of the name.
not hear voices and I have recurring nightmares, but I always, always, always feeling like an internal alarm.
strange dreams and I do not remember what I almost never dreamed at night, for my efforts.
Sometimes I think my higher self is trying to get in touch with me to tell me something, but there 'someone who would prevent that ... some kind of obstacle that I can not even recognize, so you can avoid.
Am I missing word and will not arrive 'anywhere. Then we go off again by the hard facts.
What 'I'm doing in practice in my life?
Since spring 2008 I decided to live the most time outside Italy, for a variety of reasons that I will not describe here, but I can not go far opted for the nearby Spain.
Sold a studio full of horrible memories are playing in October 2008 with the 'intention not to keep that money in the bank but to invest them, also because' are property 'of my son (the apartment would have to go to him once adult ) so I'm just managing them temporarily.
The project was to learn English making some progress, finding a nice apartment in a city 'pleasant and after a short adjustment period, buy it, thus providing' a stable roof of my son, as well as remove from the hands of bankers.
It 's been a whole year, even more,' and I have not found it 'the city' where they settle down 'to buy the apartment, and that money is still in the bank.
I shot several cities', now I have visited hundreds of apartments and talked to do not know how many real estate owners and, now I have done a culture on the sale of houses in the peninsula ... but nothing.
seems that I should not do that, and yet 'simple action, albeit with the necessary calm to do!
something always happens. O
After that I see better place 'back out, or change their minds and sellers disappear, or are undecided, or something else happens.
Why '? I am at a subconscious level that provoked this situation, even though I say every day for months and months, I want to buy and I'm done with this issue, so as to devote to them?
I who deliberately try something impossible?
Or not quite find what I want 'I say to look for? Sometimes I feel like a puppet in the hands of a schizophrenic puppeteer.
I know that a part of me does not want to live in an apartment owned ', fearing that stalkers I vandalizzino behind the place as they did in the apartment where I was until 2007.
the only memory of the "changes" that made the apartment makes me shudder. Disassembled and reassembled all the furniture, including cabinets and kitchen cupboards, as well as' the shutters of the windows, and changed the water pipes. They put something into the locks. They did masonry work in the attic that was above the apartment.
All with living within me, and I could not do anything.
How do I settle into another apartment for more 'than a month or two, perilous' buying, after all that I lived?
Perhaps this resistance and 'one of the reasons why one year I can not make a simple transaction.
It can 'be that did not really want to finish this research, for not having to then take the next step, which is' practically a step into the unknown ...
and then me in my boat doing nothing but pretending to look for a house with criteria so difficult, making it almost impossible to find the object of research.
this and 'very contradictory and confusing,' cause I'm looking for 100 apartments that are worth the price of 50, or are in the center but 'the garden, or I start looking for country houses with land, with the dream of return to nature, perhaps in the middle of nowhere, repented then be gone, because 'is not sure of the mill houses and white' needs, at least not until 'I'm alone ....
I would go into depression even more 'in town' ... or maybe not?
Or maybe this whole story of the search of the house and 'a false problem?
I know it 'at the bottom and' irrelevant. It 's a waste of time, to which I devote a lot of my energy and my time, of course, lost.
But my teaching I draw from this behavior, what do you communicate?
Well, one thing and 'obvious and is' I do not know what I want .... and sometimes not even know what I will not!
From this I understand that my behavior there 's something wrong with my way of approaching things, but what escapes me.
It 's like if I wanted to act but at the same I tirassi time back in the grip of conflicting and opposing forces that shake me and make me wobble, leaving a balance still on the same step. Why
'despite the will' can not get a capacity 'of action?
seems that a low strength and heavy anchors me to laziness and inertia, paralyzing any effort prolonged or consistent. Some short and sparse moments of lucidity 'make me fall even more' nell'avvilimento.
Why 'I do not remember my dreams? 'Cause my sleep,' a black hole without any awareness? I was reading some passages of jodorovsky where he tells of his lucid dreams, and remembers them as if Once fully awake .... well I can not do lucid dreams, I will 'happen maybe once or twice in life, and' let alone to do astral traveling ... even here I have the horrible feeling that there is something that prevents me from making this leap qualita'nella awareness .... but I also took hallucinogens at the time ... thicket ', I'm attracted only bullshit, zero revelations.
On November 11, 2009, the Vatican admits the possibility 'that there exist extraterrestrial intelligent life.
On November 13 NASA and spread the news that 'they found a large amount' of water on the moon. On 13 November
released simultaneously in theaters the film world 2012.
last Wednesday, November 18, I turned 45.
Greetings! Who, me or the aliens that are being presented to the general public?
Certainly not for me 'was a great day, I had two calls, one of my mother and my ex, and that' s all.
Not that I wanted to celebrate, for charity '. But it 's the time to recurrence as birthdays, Christmas etc., I realize that in an almost physical, my solitude. Most of my isolation that I can touch, so 'large, well built, like a holy cathedral, strategic.
Thanks anyway for the 2 phone calls. I spent the worst birthdays. I should be very grateful to the universe came to be there.
are now in a age 'in which' a little 'more' difficult to have a character like my introverted nature of things and be in frequent contact with other people from changing residence and uncertain project life ... are all more 'younger than me, or more' sociable, more 'cheerful, more' superficial ... I am a magnet upside down, people go away ... at least that I said my father, having had to deal with me for several months.
me just fine, instintualmente be selective. I just want to attract what 'I really need. What do I need to have friends from bar to kill time? Maybe officials are on leave, or reptilian, or both.
I realize that urgently requires a choice, a decision.
As difficult as it is I can not 'continue to postpone it. I can no longer simply 'to live in this kind of reality' in this type of everyday life ', are out of place. I can not do more 'to stand with one foot in a supermarket and in the metaphysics of abduction and new world order.
I keep close to my meanness ', to selfishness, to comfort' materials, for fear of facing new hardships and sufferings, but I know that I can not escape my fate, whatever it is ... I have to take action. Should I be of help to myself and to world!
I have a mission to accomplish! Aiutooooooooo ... but what will '?
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